Elevate your life. Unleash your inner mountain lion. Wake up the hidden tiger inside of you. Yes, there is a powerful feline inside of you clawing to get out. Embrace it. Awaken it. This article will take you through the steps to elevate yourself and bring out your superior feline qualities.
The first step to drawing out your inner feline, is to embrace your apathetic side. The only truly important things in life are food and relaxation. Cats know this and make very little effort to care about anything else. Don’t allow yourself care about anything unless it effects your most pressing food consumption needs or hinders your ability to relax.
Once you have mastered the art of apathy, the next step is in the eyes. Practice staring with purposeful intent. Make certain that you are not staring blankly, make it look convincing but don’t overdo it. Staring with too much emotion will make it look like you care. Your goal is to stare with enough purpose to make it appear as though you are engaged in deep intellectual thought. It is important to show little interest in what you are staring at, aside from an occasional display of pleasure shown mostly by the slight closing and reopening of the eyes. It is best to stare from a high vantage point to achieve the full effect. Since we are not quite as skilled at climbing, a desk top, or the back of a sofa will suffice.
To get the most out of your inner cat instincts, start incorporating more fish into your diet. Fish is the greatest nutritional substance in the known world. If you don’t like fish, that is because your inner cat is buried too deeply inside of you. Start eating more fish to draw it out. Initially, just remind yourself that there is something inside you that is begging for fish and be mindful that fish is very good for you. Just think about all the Vitamin D and Omega 3’s you’re consuming. Once you start to eat more fish, you will realize how wonderful it really is!
To truly bring out all your feline senses, you must embrace the comfort of being petted and scratched behind the ears. This one is probably the most difficult to master. It is best at first to start off with friends and family. Go up to them on all fours and rub your head up against them in a semi-circular motion. This will indicate to them that you wish to be pet. After enough practice, you will train them to oblige your request. It doesn’t hurt to meow a few times too. If they are being extremely resistant, follow them around and meow constantly. Whenever they stop, rub up against their leg. Once you have successfully mastered this with your friends and family, go ahead—try it in public! Every biped is your servant, waiting to do your bidding.
Lastly, always be plotting to take over the world. Use your free time to come up with creative ideas that will result in your rise to power and everyone else’s inevitable demise. While you should always have a new plan in the works, don’t be too hasty to act on them. As a cat, you already have claim to most of the world anyways, so there’s not much need to exert the extra effort.
Once you have mastered these simple steps, your inner feline will be released. You will enjoy the many benefits such as heightened senses, enhanced personality, and superiority over all beings. Meow!